|The Meaning of "Mistress" »|
CQ and I recently stayed away overnight in a fabulous luxury hotel. Our daughter was being taken care of overnight so we had the whole weekend to ourselves!
We had agreed upon a little game beforehand. I was to choose two hotels and two role-play scenarios that I was to tell CQ about but put into plain envelopes. The idea was CQ would choose a hotel and role to play randomly. This might sound like topping from the bottom, but as ever CQ had a twist, she would tell me the hotel so I could make the arrangements, but I wouldn’t know the role! She had told me to put in FemDom and submissive and she would play whichever role.
The further twist she added to this is I would never actually know which she had selected, she may have decided to play one or the other.
As it turned out when we got to the hotel with CQ having packed a massive suitcase of our entire sex toy collection and all our bondage gear our first session after the bottle of champagne and a soak in the hot tub was a vanilla love making session that was tender and gentle and restored a huge amount of intimacy that we had been missing due to the recent work pressures for us both.
Of course when I say vanilla, CQ was in total control of everything. She had me apply EMLA cream in order to lessen my sensations, as she didn’t want me to cum.
We had recently acquired the UK version of the Hitachi Wand (it is not actually Hitachi, for some bureaucratic electrical reason it has been banned in the UK?) and CQ had played with it herself during the week with some pretty decent orgasmic results. She mounted me in a reverse cowgirl and applied the wand to her clit and bought herself to a powerful orgasm. Even with my numb cock I could feel her orgasmic contractions as well as see her shake as she climaxed.
After we had slept CQ then told me that what she had decided to do was actually play both roles and this evening I would serve her and she would Domme me and tomorrow morning she would let me Top her, she chose her words carefully she would not submit in the way the we understand submission to be for us (me).
Now we come to the actual point of this post. When it came to being in charge and being the top I found it really difficult. CQ has developed many characters that we play with often, all are figures of authority and when we play these roles I never have a problem accepting them and I do see them as different women. Even when performing sexual services for them I don't see them as my wife or as my Domme. I know intellectually who the are obviously.... But the sex is not the same as when I have sex with CQ, it is not as intimate and as loving as when we make love. I am generally very objectified by the characters CQ plays and I am comfortable with that.
When CQ lay on the bed as my pleasure slave and I was allowed to fuck her as I saw fit I absolutely could not see her as an object to be used for my pleasure. I felt uncomfortable giving the simplest command to her or asking her to do things. I could it divorce the fact she was my wife, my owner and my Domme in the same way I can when she plays The Mistress or Nurse. Spanky. This was a strange feeling. In a past life I had successfully ran a relationship where I did Dom a girl and had I not met CQ things may have been different.
Having " fucked" my pleasure slave I suddenly felt so uncontrollably guilty. I had orgasmed without CQ giving me permission. I had used a woman for purely sexual needs and it felt very unsatisfying I can tell you! I stopped and held her close and asked if my Wife could come back so I could make love to her instead. CQ agreed and we did make love. It was such a powerful experience that has reinforced the fact that in our relationship there can only ever be one way. I hope we never play that game again however. It is clear to me that we are not playing this is very real for us and it works for us..She is my Domme. I do wonder if I could Dom a woman that was a submissive and not playing one I just know that CQ is not that woman and far more importantly, I never want her to be.